1. Manspreading & not paying attention

I was the first person into the tour van, sitting in the first row, the left most seat.  It’s a long seat, intended for 3 people.  The next guest sat in the right most seat, leaving the middle seat between us.  I am going to call him Fred.  No reason, but just because he needs a name.

As we picked up more people, most of the seats began to fill up, and the middle seat between us remained empty.  Why?  Because his camera bag and coat already occupied that seat.  Annoying, but I’ll let that slide.  Please note that I have a pretty large backpack and the largest North Face coat known to man.  But all of my stuff is contained within the boundaries of my left most seat.

Our guide, Thor, told us stories of the area and Fred loves Icelandic culture and history.  He’s very into these stories.  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, but it’s as if he wasn’t paying attention!  He would continuously ask about things that Thor just said!  Like asking again and again and again to clarify.  Let’s be honest.  Nobody expects you to absorb all of this information and then go home and write a book about it.  But the level of questions Fred mounted to our guide… was astonishing.

2. Trying to steal my Northern Lights photos

Somewhere along the ride, I began speaking with two Aussies in the row behind us.  Low and behold, they were the Aussies that rescued me from the snow pit I fell into the night before!  So we were talking and chatting about the Northern Lights show and how our photos turned out.  Fred immediately interrupts and asks about my photos.  I have some on my phone, so I show them to him.  He says to me that his photos didn’t turn out right, because he couldn’t get the settings correct.  I sympathize.  I really do.  And then he asks me for my photos, which he adds the following line,

“I was there too.  I saw the same lights.”

-Fred, the awful tourist

That makes me think he will try to pass off my photos as his own.  And then even stranger, he wants the full file, not the one compressed to my phone.  I tell him I shot these files in RAW each photo is over 20 MB.  “That’s alright, I just want the full files.”  No, it’s not alright.  Even if I wanted to hand over my RAW files to you, which is odd, I can’t just email them to you.  What email server allows 40-80 MB files to be sent??  And no, I am not setting up any cloud based service just to share some photos to you.  Then, he says,

“Well can you make it bigger?  I don’t want the 1-2 MB files.  That’s too small.” 

Too small for what?  Blowing up the photo and pretending that it’s yours?

3. Dangerously prioritizing your phone charging

As we move along our tour in this winter wonderland, his phone battery drains.  Mostly because of the cold weather conditions, which drains battery life considerably.  He asks Thor if there is a place to charge his phone, while Thor is driving on the icy roads in Northern Iceland… So while driving, he hands Thor is cable and his phone and expects immediate charging.  Every time we stop, he needs his phone back.  Every time we get back into the van, he waits until Thor starts driving and hands his phone back to him.  No, our lives are not at risk driving on icy roadways.

4. Bread monster, i.e. the awful tourist

We arrived at the Myvatn Nature Baths, a sulfur, geothermic bath, which also had a small, but functioning cafeteria, for us to grab a bite to eat before we went into the baths.  With each order of soup, there should have been a complimentary bread roll that went along with it.  I was the first to buy my lunch, this $15 mushroom soup and banana.  When I went to the check out, the cashier asked why I didn’t want any bread.  She pointed to a bread basket in the corner.  I said there was no bread in there.  She excused herself for a moment to tell the kitchen to make more bread.

Now Fred, who is the last at everything (last one in the car, last one out – which usually pinned me inside)… Fred was the last to get his soup.  I was halfway through the soup by the time he sat down.  And immediately, you can hear him asking the cashier, “is the bread done yet, is the bread done yet?”  Obviously, they know they are missing bread.  Baking or heating up bread is not instantaneous.  A few minutes pass. 

“Is the bread done yet?  Because you know, my soup is getting cold.  What’s the point of having the soup if there’s no bread?” 

-Fred, the awful tourist

mmm…. there is a point.  I’ve finished my whole bowl of soup by now, and it was not lacking.  The bread finally arrives, and instead of being grateful, he says to the cashier, “I’m almost done with my soup now.”  How snarky, and obviously the mindset of an awful tourist. Let me tell you, the bread was warm and delicious and went just fine with my meal, post- soup.

5. Windows down in Northern Iceland

As we wound down the trip and drove back at sunset, Fred assumed the front passenger seat to take photos out the window.  He proceeded to roll down the window for extended periods of time, as we drove in freezing weather.  Talk about considerate for your fellow tour mates!  I was so cold, I asked Thor to turn up the heater.  And then, when I was STILL cold, since I am in the first row and the wind is blowing directly at me.  Fred had stopped taking photos, but the window was still open (in case there was an opportunity).  I finally asked him to close the window, as if it was the strangest request, the awful tourist begrudgingly obliged.  We all sat the rest of the time in silence, hoping there wouldn’t be another “are we there yet?” series of questions.

Watch this video on YouTube.

Parting Thoughts

Now remember, your fellow tour mates deserve to be respected too.  As does your tour guide.  How Thor fielded all these question with ease and grace, is the reason he is a tour guide, and I am not.  He did an amazing job.

As for me? I am just so grateful that I’ve only encountered such an awful tourist once in my life.

Lannie

Lannie is a perpetual wanderer and loves to share her travel adventures and the food she eats along the way with everyone.  She works during the day while bouncing around the world and dreams about new places and faces at night!  She has a home on the magical Isle of Islay in Scotland, where the whisky flows freely and happily.

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